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He is a very sweet guy who I trust and I know loves me. Menu. I felt that this was getting wayyy to deep. Blogging about a wide range of topics to help facilitate a better future. I have been with my boyfriend for a year. I just realized I allowed his ex wife into whats supposed to be our business and our lives. About three-and-half years into a relationship, couples tend to stop going to bed at the same time. And its his role as a parent to fulfill those needs. Its hard when it feels like youre not just dealing with him, but youre also contending with his ex-wife and his kids. We are both hard-working individuals that love each other dearly and want nothing but the best for one another. SO - do you want to continue to be a jealous, controlling #####, or do you want what is in the best interests of you, your boyfriend, your boyfriends little girl, and your boyfriends X? Using a child as leverage is always a low blow, but its common in situations where a baby mama wants something from their ex when hes in a new relationship. my boyfriend spends the night with his baby mama. Unless he was a complete jerk the entire night, it's best to keep your feelings about his living conditions to yourself. Therefore, don't try to struggle with his children or you'll jeopardize your relationship with him. Is because he didnt want to lie to her. When youve communicated your concerns and made him aware of your needs, and when youve negotiated with your partner how those needs could be met in the relationship, its fair to give it some time to see if things change in your relationship. Many women find the man they think is the one and they drop everything to pursue . When youre with someone who has a child with an ex it often causes some conflict, especially if there are no real ground rules. Has anyone gone through this? They have a history with them and share a child, and this often brings or makes them hold on to emotions into play. He never asked for my opinion, nothing. Find out to see whether he actually likes you by taking this quick free quiz, Your email address will not be published. Replicant, it's like you read my mind! That means not texting or calling him at all hours of the night, or when she knows hes with you. I just feel stuck. Kudos to your boyfriend for staying involved with his child. And this cow still talking 25-45 mins at the door way. my boyfriend spends the night with his baby mama. I am unsure why. Hes been through it all and Ive never even been engaged. They have worked everything out: whos having the kids when and she is waiting for her house sale to go through before she moves out. It'll also help you come to terms with his patterns and schedules, thereby making things less suspicious or unsettling. If he's not ready to do that, and he still keeps his talks away from you, you should think about finding someone new. He's not even your boyfriend! By kind of, I mean that he spends two to three nights a week with me while the rest of the time he spends at his mom's house. And he went through the process for US apparently. If your partner is still talking to his ex on matters that arent baby-related, it might hint that he still has feelings for her. Because were raising Jordan. Because, if ANY of my boyfriends EVER acted like you - he'd be GONE. My boyfriend and I have known each other for years and have been together, on and off, for 5 years. Instead of leading every discussion, try to slow down your pace and hear what your partner is saying. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); My Boyfriend Talks to His Baby Mama Everyday! You get decide whether or not he is worth the wait. I'm not the jealous type and there is nothing I could have done anyway.. so.. Your feelings and needs he needs to be aware of how his actions are making you feel and he needs to be willing to compromise. What gave her the right to do that? I have just woken up in bed next to a man who isn't my husband. Man I felt burnt. Unfortunately I am 4 month pregnant. I think this is wonderful and have spent many of these Sundays with my boyfriend and his daughter, which is important to me, as I want to develop a good relationship with her as well. Best of luck with the new Baby, he looks just beautiful.Congrats! You can also try to start occasional conversations about the situation to keep him on his toes in a good way. Michael, my . Just because they have a child together doesnt mean that your boyfriend needs to keep any of his possessions at her house. She should respect the fact that hes moved on and is in a new relationship, and refrain from talking about their past together in front of you. Or, on the flip side of that, a childless step dating partner or stepparent, may not be able to fully appreciate the scope of needs that the child has and may choose to see the biological parent as indulgent and overprotective at the cost of meeting the couples needs.. What am I then to you? When are you going to wake up and realize you are just his side piece 21 Dear Abby: My boyfriend spends too much time with his daughter and hides it from me EXCLUSIVE: Two legendary California craft breweries are merging Dear Abby: My son got gifts from 124 guests. How much time to allow? It may not mean hes sleeping with her, but its a sign of disrespect and you clearly need to have a talk with him and let him know how hes making you feel. Yes, they have a child together, but youre his partner now and he needs to treat you as such. I can see maybe he go there, spend the evening with his baby while the mother has the night out. I have to keep tabs with her. But didnt know he was blended between me and another woman until I met his ex wife two years later. The selfish people they are. Image credits Photo by James Sutton on Unsplash. Speaking with others about your issues can ease the burden on your shoulders. The witch took no consideration whatsoever. The rules dont apply to single fathers. They are now living together and hes still cheating on her with me. When you communicate your concerns in a non-threatening way, you increase the likelihood that your concerns will be truly heard and that the other person will be open to changing his behavior. Im so glad this advice resonates with you and that youre getting value from it! This is a very important boundary to set if you want to avoid a lot of headaches and arguments! Having a chance to see if his treatment of you changes when she is around can go a long way in making sure they are just friends. You shouldn't put unnecessary pressure on him especially when it involves his children. Both trips, twice a year he's staying at her house for at least a day. Dealing with a partner's past can be cumbersome especially when kids are involved. It's one thing to ask your partner about his kid's mom, while it's another thing to express whats bothering you. His son has recently spent 2 weeks with his ex and her new boyfriend. He shouldnt be overly concerned about her personal life especially when it has nothing to do with kids. And, its important to remember that you shouldnt feel like you have to compete with his baby mama for his time. Sunita (not her real name) two children - 11 & 14 - divorced 5 years, works for a local authority: "We agreed quite easily after the divorce how we would work things over Christmas. I know my text bombing isnt great. This means, try not to leave a mess everywhere you go! If he has to speak with his baby's mum more than usual for a period, you should be understanding. Is he calling his kids mum every day that it makes you uncomfortable? Therefore, you should always believe he's a responsible man that can do the right thing. The first thing to understand is that seeing a man that has a kid is a choice. This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply. See what he says about why he talks to her so much, what they need to discuss, and how much hes willing to compromise to make you happy. They eventually went to court and agreed upon Joint Custody. Remember that communication is essential to maintain the stability of any relationship. My boyfriend of 6 months has a female friend who texts him on a daily basis. A hotel room would just be too much. The difficult part about letting go of some of your needs is that you might always feel like something is missing or a certain degree of dissatisfaction. all you can do is reiterate your feelings, you need to make sure nothing is happening between them first and once you are 100% sure all you can do is trust him! Understand that your boyfriend's kid and the mama will always be part of his life. Whatever boundaries you feel comfortable with in terms of being around her you should set. The way and manner they chat would reveal if he still has feelings for her or not. 23 Tell-All Signs of a Co-worker Falling in Love with You, 15 Truth Why Should You Never Date A Musician, What To Do When Your Boyfriend Breaks Up With You And You Live Together, How To Make Your Boyfriend Understand That He Hurt You Badly, How To Get BTS To Notice You At A Concert (ARMY Should Know This! Several Indicia That She Is Still Involved In His Life As His Baby Mama. It's also understandable to a degree as when his ex wife left he needed a lot of support and help. Required fields are marked *. My partner is spending Christmas with his ex and kids. I even let so much go. 3 years. If hes always responding to his kids requests out of guilt (rather than their true needs), or responding to his exs requests out of fear or guilt, it could be that he struggles with maintaining healthy boundaries. Todays article is in response to a question from a reader (via Ask Melissa!) ). I don't condone snooping but strongly believe you should get comfortable with the idea of him talking to her. The son comes back (they have shared custody) and talks about a new dad. Ask about his kid's well-being and if everything is okay. Another way to get on this partner's good side is trying to know his kid better. This is the essence of companionship. The plus side of this action is that it helps you accept the nature of things. Its one thing to have a good relationship with the mother of his child so they can co-parent, but its another to spend time with her socially. But actually talking on the phone isnt always necessary, and texting back and forth about things not related to their child is not normal. And his son displayed attitudes and the father hardly corrected. Im not sure if they have been sexual, but I think they have. Don't abandon your friends, hobbies, or goals in an effort to be with him all the time. But his ex wife beat me to the punch. But boy I just wanted to establish common respect and mutual boundaries. Whether he shares things with her that he doesnt share with you. Therefore, acting out of hand will undoubtedly leave the wrong impression. And he stays with us so that my son has a feeling that he belongs to a real family. my ex meets my boyfriends, we all have dinner together, because as adults we all recognize that the REAL priority is the health and emotional well being of the child. Im ready to move the relationship on, spend more time together, but it could be three to four months before we can do that (weve been dating five months now). Instead, let the process happen naturally. He only sees her about once ever month or so. Its their responsibility as parents to resolve this issue. My sanity my life . Great thanks. Nevertheless, believing in his standards and maintaining openness is key to building trust. And thats the finely straw now. Having faith in your man also shows you believe he's a good father, especially when his kids are involved. If hes not available or unwilling to meet your needs, (which I know can be really frustrating and heartbreaking) you have some choices to make. Time in bed as a couple is often key for cuddling, which research shows helps people . It may take some time after the divorce for the relationship to normalize.. . The reason he told her about the pregnant without seeing if I was okay with it. But know that you always have that choice. In most cases, the answer to the question above will be, "Yes." Typically, he or she is allowed to be around the child(ren) and/or babysit during your ex's parenting time. I have known him for 8 years tho so it's not like this is all new for us or anything. So what the hell more can I do? Which triggered more arguments. But Him and I argued a lot. You can start by asking whether he needs to speak with his baby mama so often. I also can't believe that any other woman would be okay with this. I dont encourage women to stay in relationships that dont work for them. She still wants to do family stuff (they have two young kids under 10 years old) together and he obliges he says to keep things amicable. The negotiations have all been relatively amicable so far, but they are not final. They have met him and are happy with the situation. allison l (23) 04/05/2014 at 7:50 pm. The man said his partner told him of the bizarre "family marriage tradition" to enjoy a romantic night with her mum in the lead-up to their wedding. You shouldnt be evasive because itll only make you look like a jealous person trying hard to intrude. Our relationship has been very rocky the whole time because he has a small child with an ex of 7 years. You shouldn't make your discussions only about the mum but focus more on knowing the kids. Thank you and soon you will hear from one of our Attorneys. Is this worth it? Did you enjoy this article? Whereas, third parties might provide a balanced judgment. Ask about the things the baby likes, and your boyfriend's hope for the future. It might be perfectly innocent, but that still doesnt mean he should be spending so much time talking with his baby mama. I said a silent prayer of thanks that I listened to my better angels and said yes to a date with my son. This will further create a rift between the both of you. I was enraged and all the previous years came back up in me. I just wanted common bloody respect. Absolutely! React 1 Reply Anonymous (30-35) +1 y more than likely they are still hooking up. Then to see whose in charge and if he prioritizes your needs. Required fields are marked *. I truly believe that he is going along with whatever the Mother wants because he thinks she has all the power when it comes to decisions regarding their daughter. When Your Young Adult Son Wants to Sleep with His Girlfriend in Your House My wife and I talk to our son Scott about every two weeks. They always seem to have some excuse as to why they can't spend some quality time with you like they used to.