Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. 21 George Carlin Quotes On Government And Politics Your email address will not be published. googletag.pubads().setTargeting("gr_author", "false"); It is one that we need to function as a society. If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to have selfish, ignorant leaders. George Carlin, 73. var ue_sid = "334-5362882-2183381"; George Carlin is a Grammy-winning American stand-up comedian, actor, and author. About Us | Privacy Policy | Terms | Contact Us, Ronald Reagan Religious Quotes To Live Your Life As A True Believer, www.brainyquote.com/authors/george-carlin-quotes, www.quotes.thefamouspeople.com/george-carlin-1484.php, www.everydaypower.com/george-carlin-quotes. So arrogant. Boy, these conservatives are really something, arent they? By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin, Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?George Carlin, Electricity is really just organized lightningGeorge Carlin, Would a fly without wings be called a walk?George Carlin, There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Interview with Todd Leopold, edition.cnn.com. Whether youre looking for inspirational or funny quotes by George Carlin or whether youre looking for his famous quotes politics and education, its all here. What really ought to be said after one of these so-called tragedies is, Let the scarring begin.George Carlin,When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? My motto: Fuck Hope! George Carlin,Brain Droppings, Im happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue. Trouble is, most of them suck. One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim. gads.type = "text/javascript"; Keep in mind, the news media are not independent; they are a sort of bulletin board and public relations firm for the ruling class-the people who run things. Whats that, a bonus? document.getElementsByTagName("head")[0].appendChild(stylesheet); We havent tried that for a while. He is a sucker for good coffee, Indian food, and video games. We all need to let loose and laugh at things once in a while and making other people laugh as well as think and find meaning behind your jokes is an exceptional talent George Carlin has. Thats the problem., I call him Governor Bush because thats the only political office hes ever held legally in this country., Political correctness is Americas newest form of intolerance, and it is especially pernicious because it comes disguised as tolerance., Forget the politicians. And fight songs. return true; Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles.George Carlin, When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?George Carlin, The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.George Carlin, Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.George Carlin, I have as much authority as the Pope. Laugh often, long and loud. pubID: '3211', adServer: 'googletag', bidTimeout: 4e3, params: { aps_privacy: '1YN' } "ebfg_email", "ebfg_sms"]; Everyone smiles in the same language. George Carlin, 35. He believes that knowledge can change the world and be used to inspire and empower young people to build the life of their dreams. Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. Its disgusting, man. googletag.pubads().setTargeting("sid", "osid.b75ee1b4ab41ae6cecc3e4c769a5b3df"); These George Carlin funny quotes on religion, government, and stupid people will make you laugh as well as think about things deeply. All day long beating you over the head with their media telling you what to believe, what to think and what to buy. He's the subject of a new documentary. The game is rigged and nobody seems to notice. if (window.ue && window.ue.tag) { window.ue.tag('author:quotes:signed_out', ue.main_scope);window.ue.tag('author:quotes:signed_out:mobileWeb', ue.main_scope); } George Carlin - Quotes, Death & 7 Words - Biography But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity. George Carlin, 14. its only a symbol. Carlin was noted for his black comedy and his thoughts on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and various taboo subjects. g = p.getElementsByTagName(s)[0]; And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.George Carlin,When Will Jesus Bring The Pork Chops? Goalcast is an inspiring community for achievers dedicated to helping you improve all aspects of your life. Thats the problem. } else { By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. George Carlin, 10. Theres only the immediate future and the recent past. You have owners. George Carlin, 84. I've set my own rules to live by. In this article, we present to you some of the famous George Carlin Quotes on Government, Marriage, Love, Life, Religion, Death, Voting, Freedom, Politics and More with their meaning. for(var i=0; iThe Strange Afterlife of George Carlin - The New York Times My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. 'Cause pretty soon they have little hats. Looking for the best George Carlin quotes? If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. George Carlin, 37. Weve learned how to make a living but not a life. It always has been. And in 2017,Rolling Stone magazine ranked Carlin second on its list of the 50 Best Stand-Up Comics of All Time, just behind Richard Pryor. George Carlin, Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.George Carlin, I, myself, have killed six people. //]]>. Good, honest, hard-working people: white collar, blue collar, it doesn't matter what color shirt you have on. Lets get started! Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. George Carlin "The planet is fine. I think that speaks for itself. When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. Improve yourself, find your inspiration, share with friends, George Carlin (2002). Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee; I have no interest in any of it. if (a[a9]) return; Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. The people are fucked." George Carlin tags: funny , humanity , humor 8709 likes Like "https:" : "http:") + They own everything. gads.src = (useSSL ? The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election. George Carlin, 66. I just dont have as many people who believe it.George Carlin, How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelet?George Carlin. Im talking about the real owners now the real owners. You get kicked out when youre too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. 5. I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. The planet is fine. Whether we agreed with his acerbiccommentary or not, his words always reminded us of how sharp a weapon humor can be in slicing through the surface of our assumptions and leaving us, as he would say, gasping for breath.. George Carlin, Dont just teach your children to readTeach them to question what they read.Teach them to question everything.George Carlin, How can He be perfect? The first one is: 'Never believe ANYthing the government says.'. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. George Carlin, 39. Others see it half empty.I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be.George Carlin, Tell people theres an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another. George Carlin, 69. "I have certain rules I live by. googletag.pubads().setTargeting("signedin", "false"); Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save the snails. throw new Error("could not load device-specific stylesheet : " + err.message); Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. George Carlin, 9. Died: June 22, 2008 (aged 71) George Carlin Quotes . You have no choice. Theres only the immediate future and the recent past. George Carlin, There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. George Carlin, The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. George Carlin, Honesty may be the best policy, but its important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. George Carlin. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up.George Carlin, When youre born into this world, youre given a ticket to the freak show. I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. George Carlin, 44. I think that speaks for itself. "Men are from Earth,. The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. Carlin and his older brother, Pat, were primarily raised by their mother in Manhattan's Morningside Heights neighborhood. We would love to hear your thoughts, so dont be shy and comment below! The people are fucked! George Carlin, 80. Vicious Quotes Page 5. . [CDATA[ Theres only the immediate future and the recent past.George Carlin, Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now its trying to save its body. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, If you cant beat them, arrange to have them beaten.George Carlin, Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesnt mean the circus has left town.George Carlin, And although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. Men are often so foolish as to boast and value themselves upon their passions, even those that are most vicious. " If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else. Actually, I think that class was called Religion. The politicians are put there to give you the idea you have freedom of choice. stylesheet.type = "text/css"; 101 Marianne Williamson Quotes That Will Enlighten You. Quote by George Carlin: "Forget the politicians. 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George Carlin Quotes - BrainyQuote. American Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. I think the life cycle is all backwards. } Never argue with an idiot. " Forget the politicians. You know what they ought to do with churches? Cause pretty soon they have little hats. And armbands. If you cant beat them, arrange to have them beaten. George Carlin, 47. George Carlin > Quotes (?) } Its never just a game when youre winning.George Carlin, If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrheadoes that mean that 1 enjoys it?George Carlin, Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?George Carlin, Religion is like a pair of shoes..Find one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes.George Carlin, Religion is just mind control. You know why? In America, anyone can become president. George Carlin political quotes may seem sensitive, but they inspire necessary conversations. This is the best we can do folks. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. There is only a short pause before the next horrifying event. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. function getCookieWithoutJQuery(name) { A.src = t; God has a three-day weekend.George Carlin, Theres a humorous side to every situation. " George Carlin Quotes "Most of the country was founded by slave owners so they could be free. Have you ever noticed that the only metaphor we have in our public discourse for solving problems is to declare war on it? Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. (function () { [CDATA[ If it requires a uniform, its a worthless endeavor. George Carlin, 11. if (isRetina) { Electricity is really just organized lightning. George Carlin, 20. if (sourcesToHideBuyFeatures[i] == source) 50 Motivational George Carlin Quotes For Success Apparently, were not ready for that! George Carlin, 72. The Grammy-Award-winning star of 14 stand-up comedy specials on HBO, George Carlin was widely considered one of Americans most influential comedians. If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. After all, he was one of the most successful comedians of all time! Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin, 41. ' George Carlin, 56. Political correctness is Americas newest form of intolerance, and it is especially pernicious because it comes disguised as tolerance. Its so fuckin heroic. George Carlin, 18. Quote by George Carlin - SComedy Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. If you enjoyed the following article we humbly ask you to comment, and help us spread the word! - George Carlin quotes. Weve learned how to make a living but not a life. Some people see things that are, and ask, why? window.csa("Events")("setEntity", { We havent tried that for a while. Its because volunteers work for no pay. Theyre all in favour of the unborn. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.George Carlin,When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? "Government want to tell you things you can't say because they're against the law, or you can't say this because it's against a regulation, or here's something you can't say because its a.secret; "You can't tell him that because he's not cleared to know that." Government wants to control information and control . It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Sooner or later the people in this country are going to realize: the government does not give a fuck about them. As for the poor, they tell us theyve lost all incentive because weve given them too much money. BAM! George Denis Patrick Carlin was born on May 12, 1937, was an Americanstand-up comedian, actor, social critic, and author. [CDATA[ You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. Did you enjoy this article? Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body. George Carlin, 45. Teach them to question everything. George Carlin was one of the most iconic comedians of all time and he had a lot to say about government. "Never argue with an idiot. Stand-Up Comedy. Quote by George Carlin: "Political correctness is fascism pretending to Every person you look at; you can see the universe in their eyes, if you're really looking. George Carlin > Quotes > Quotable Quote - Goodreads They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. George Carlin, I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. 14 George Carlin Quotes on Education, Kids & Parents - Fatherly Beneath George Carlins biting sarcasm and razor-sharp wit lay a heartfelt indignation at the injustices he observed in the world around him. Welcome | QuoteSaga I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to.George Carlin,Brain Droppings, THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: Please stop sucking my dick or Ill call the police. George Carlin,Brain Droppings, Some people have no idea what theyre doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.George Carlin, Some people see things that are and ask, Why?Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not?Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that.George Carlin, Meow means woof in cat.George Carlin. They all said: Try to live together peacefully. BAM! They own everything. 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[.] Deal with it. function q(c, r) { The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. That's the problem. They're imaginary. > Quotable Quote. Dont just teach your children to read Teach your children to question what they read, teach them to question everything. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. Do not believe anything the government tells you - George Carlin It creates a hostile work environment. If your kid needs a role model and you aint it, youre both fucked. George Carlin, 32. 125 Best George Carlin QuotesFunny George Carlin Quotes on Life Theres a humorous side to every situation. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid." 2. Its important in life if you dont give a shit. Dont just teach your children to read Teach them to question everything that they read Teach them to question everything. George Carlin, 86. // page settings Its so fuckin heroic.George Carlin, The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.George Carlin, If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?George Carlin, I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Here we are sharing a collection of George Carlin quotes on religion, government, and life for you to think deeply about the things you have never done before. We just believed everything. Im not sure silencing people or forcing them to alter their speech is the best method for solving problems that go much deeper than speech. George Carlin, 62. ", Follow AzQuotes on Facebook, Twitter and Google+. Ice Cube Shares George Carlin Quote About Politicians: 'They - Newsweek The Grammy-Award-winning star of 14stand-up comedy specials on HBO taught us the power of words and how a person can use humor as a weapon. There is a mistake in the text of this quote. Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days Ive stayed alive. His critical thinking shines on stage and opens your eyes to modern-day problems that most folks are oblivious to. Government is an important institution. The larger the group, the more toxic, the more of your beauty as an individual you have to surrender for the sake of group thought. George Carlin quote: I have certain rules I live by. My - Lib Quotes " George Carlin 15. Witty George Carlin Quotes 1. Because theres no money in that problem. It can help you a lot.George Carlin, Isnt making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?George Carlin, I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. My first rule: I don't believe anything the government tells me. Use your fucking heads! A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. My advice: just keep movin straight ahead. A = p.createElement(s); Couldnt you just skip the praying part and go right to His Will? All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. The first one is: 'Never believe ANYthing the government says.' George Carlin Believe, Government, Rules To Live By 48 Copy quote Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. I hate groups of people. . 1. George Carlin was an outspoken comic, known for his brash sense of humor, foul language and controversial views on politics, religion and other sensitive subjects. } googletag.pubads().setTargeting("resource", "author_22782"); Injuring, hurting, killing, drinking are all part of it because youve lost your identity because you now owe your allegiance to this thing thats bigger than you are and that controls you. George Carlin, 71. Everything He ever makesdies.George Carlin, Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?George Carlin, Thats why they call it the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.George Carlin, May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.George Carlin, Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.George Carlin, There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. The people are fucked. George Carlin, May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. George Carlin, Some people have no idea what theyre doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. George Carlin, Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. George Carlin, We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. The only person who is with us our entire life is ourselves. I think people should be allowed to do what they want. George Carlin, If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?George Carlin, I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. You caused the problem; you voted them in; you have no right to complain. George Carlin, 70. I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. 50 The Alchemist Quotes To Make You Follow Your Dreams, 195 Best Cobra Kai Quotes (Seasons 1 5), 70 Attack On Titan Quotes That Will Inspire Greatness, 37 The Lion King Quotes Filled With Powerful Life Lessons, Your email address will not be published. Period. This is the best we can do folks. "https://":"http://";i+=f?g:k;i+=j;i+=h;c(i)}if(!e.ue_inline){if(a.loadUEFull){a.loadUEFull()}else{b()}}a.uels=c;e.ue=a})(window,document); Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? }); As for the poor, they tell us theyve lost all incentive because weve given them too much money. George Carlin, 74. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do. return cookiePair[1]; The big wealthy business interests that control things and make all the important decisions. "I have a right, you have no right, we have a right." Folks I hate to spoil your fun, but.